Susanna J. Sturgis   Martha's Vineyard writer and editor
writer editor born-again horse girl

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In the Bag

June 02, 2006

When unpacking my bags Tuesday night, I found this in one of them:

NOTICE OF BAGGAGE INSPECTION

At the top is the seal of the Department of Homeland Security and next to it "Transportation Security Administration."

My first reaction was "Huh?" My second was "Uh-oh." My third was "You jerks."

It begins:

To protect you and your fellow passengers the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) is required by law* to inspect all checked baggage. As part of this process, some bags are opened and physically inspected. Your bag was among those selected for physical inspection. [*Section I 10(b) of the Aviation and Transportation Security Act of 2001, 49 U.S.C. 44901(c)-(e)]

My bag is of course proud to have been chosen, though it rattled its zipper at me and rebuked me for being such a messy packer. How could anyone find anything in there?

During the inspection, your bag and its contents may have been searched for prohibited items. At the completion of the inspection, the contents were returned to your bag.

What exactly constitutes a "prohibited item"? The notice didn't say, and the TSA website is rather vague. "Prohibited items," it tells me, "are weapons, explosives, incendiaries, and include items that are seemingly harmless but may be used as weapons -- the so-called 'dual use' items. You may not bring these items to security checkpoints without authorization." My handy-dandy new pencil sharpener seems to have passed muster, never mind it harbors concealed blades under its little plastic dome. Apparently no one worried that books have a dual use -- they can be used to whack someone on the head -- and my knee-length nightshirt might in the right or wrong hands become a garrote. Did the inspectors note that on the cover of Warrior Poet Audre Lorde is wearing a turban?

If the TSA screener was unable to open your bag for inspection because it was locked, the screener may have been forced to break the locks on your bag. TSA sincerely regrets having to do this, however TSA is not liable for damage to your locks resulting from this necessary security precaution.

Far be it from me to force anyone to do anything they sincerely regret: my bags don't have locks. But I'm curious: Do they search every third, fifth, or tenth bag that comes down the chute, or do they just search the ones that look weird in the x-ray? How weird does it have to be before they're "forced" to break the lock?

The non sequiturs and lapses in logic are piling up. How many can a girl swallow while unpacking her bags? How does searching all checked baggage protect me and my fellow passengers? How could, say, a box-cutter or even a pistol in someone's checked baggage pose a threat to my well-being? An explosive device -- yeah, that could well pose a threat, but how do I retrieve my box-cutter if it's in the belly of the aircraft and I'm in the cabin? True, when I reach my destination I could fish it out and brandish it at the baggage claim, but I could do the same en route to the ticket counter before I even check the bags. Just how necessary are these "necessary security precautions"? And how blasé do the screeners get after a few days of full-time baggage inspection?

P.S. Yesterday's Martha's Vineyard Times carried an item in the News in Brief section headed "Suspicious package left on SSA luggage cart." (Walk-on ferry passengers can leave their bags on the cart, which is driven on just before the boat departs and driven off on the other side. Saves you having to schlepp your stuff up and down stairs and through the line at the lunch counter.)

It opens: "The state police hazardous devices unit was called to the Island over the holiday weekend when a state police officer working a security detail at the Steamship Authority's Vineyard Haven terminal found a suspicious looking package left on a luggage cart Saturday night." It turned out to be "a paint ball grenade that likely belonged to a group of young people traveling to a paint ball event. Lieutenant Moore [state police station commander on the Vineyard] said the package was innocuous looking and had not been left to scare anyone." He also said "no charges would be filed but state police would like to speak with the owner."

Apparently a package can be both suspicious looking and innocuous looking at the same time. I'm glad I didn't bring a paint ball grenade home from Madison.

 

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